


it was (never meant to be)

by Sweven



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Infidelity, F/M, Introspection, Lies, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweven/pseuds/Sweven
Summary: Anakin never intended any of this.A short ficlet based on the prompt "One character telling the other a secret" from the SWBigBang Discord server
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Obi-Wan Kenobi (unrequited), Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	it was (never meant to be)

_ It was _

A whisper in the darkest hour of the night, a fateful admission of all the things he had carefully denied for years. He'd never dared speak the words aloud, never allowed himself to make it irreversible. As he laid there and stared at the ceiling in his quarters, the thought of red hair and kind eyes made his heart tighten. He whispered the words to the empty room.

More than anything, Anakin wished he could take them back. Denying the truth was easier.

_ It was _

A lie.

When Ahsoka poked him in the side and asked him why he was staring at Master Kenobi, Anakin had managed to shrug it off. Her eyes had narrowed in a way that made his heart sink, but she was still too young to realise the truth of it, and Anakin was grateful. She would connect the dots sooner or later, but it wouldn't be today.

When on Mandalore, he saw what Obi-Wan's affection looked like and he pretended to be pleased. Satine and Obi-Wan flirted in front of him and Anakin laughed it off, smiling and winking at his Master as the man turned bright red with embarrassment. Beneath the smile, he felt empty, and he was glad when they left Mandalore and returned to Coruscant.

When in the Temple he swore that he would uphold the Code. Put aside attachments. Be righteous and just.

Qui-Gon had brought him to the Temple as a child and Anakin had promised himself that he would stand tall as the Jedi Master. He would be brave, pure, virtuous.

At night when his thoughts caught up with him, Anakin would laugh, mirthlessly, and think how disappointed his younger self would be. How disappointed Qui-Gon would be.

Lying in his bed, he couldn't tell where he had failed. When he had turned from a principled child into a man crushing himself with the weight of too many lies.

_ It was _

Heartbreak.

When Anakin saw Obi-Wan crumble with grief.

He returned from Mandalore after his Duchess had died in his arms. Anakin resented the dark rings under Obi-Wan's eyes and the hollowness in his voice. Obi-Wan shut himself away in his quarters after delivering his report to the Council, and Anakin didn't need to be near his Master to feel his anguish, his grief, his all-encompassing sorrow for the loss of someone irreplaceable.

Anakin knew he could never compete with Satine, alive or dead, and he was ashamed that he tried.

_ It was _

A betrayal.

Every time he looked at Padmé as she slept. His wife was happiest here, with him in her bed, in her apartment far from the Jedi's watchful eyes.

When she wrapped her arms around him and told him that she loved him, wholly and completely, there was a bitter taste in his mouth as he returned the words.

It had been a betrayal from the start.

When he'd seen her again after their decade apart, he had thought her kind and righteous. In her, he had seen all the things he should want.

He'd latched onto her, desperately trying to focus on someone other than Obi-Wan, his Master seared onto his retinas even then. She'd loved him immediately, taken aback by his interest and his sweet words of eternal love.

It had been too late.

She should have been his biggest secret, the one he would give up everything for.

She still thought she was.

Anakin carried more secrets than most, more lies with him than he wanted to. He told himself that he wanted to unravel his dishonesty, to face the consequences of lying to his wife, the Order, his Master, but there was selfishness rooted deep in his heart, and Anakin stayed.

_ It was _

Inevitable in the end. A breath that Anakin didn't mean to release, not here, not in broad daylight when Obi-Wan was standing so close, his face scrunched up in that way that meant that he was pondering a particularly difficult question. His hand was stroking his beard, and Anakin exhaled the words.

_ I love you _

_ It was _

A slip of the tongue, a thought shared despite himself.

_ It was _

Relief, the secret split wide open, years of hiding suddenly ended.

_ It was _

The beginning of the end and his world was crumbling at his feet.

  
  



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